I Hope She Finds a Good Man

When I open Google Chrome (New slogan I just wrote for Google Chrome:  Google Chrome, get in to it!) the first page that comes up is my Netflix Instant Queue (new slogan for Netflix:  Netflix, Get in to it!) and I always like to peruse the new movies and television shows.  Most of the movies are pointless offerings that I can't even imagine that one person watches like Ballistics:  Ecks Vs. Sever, and the television shows are even worse.  Who wants to watch an episode of Pawn Stars a second time?  It isn't like you are going to learn some nuanced negotiating tactic that you missed before.  One of the fat guys are going to look at some useless trinket and say it is worth one thing and the offer to pay a quarter of that price.  It is repetitive, if you like Pawn Stars I have a career path that might interest you, it is known as "pick and pack" you get to do the same thing over and over everyday, with more interesting versions of the fat assholes on Pawn Stars. 

I didn't start this blog with the intention of saving Google and Netflix with new slogans and solving the unemployment problem with television related job placement services.  I'm giving you those for free.  I started this blog with the intention call out to the world.  There is a woman out there that is desperate.  I didn't know how desperate she was until I saw the DVD cover of her television show on Netflix.  She has been looking for love for a really long time.  I believe that she even looked for it on a bus in her second season.  It makes me so sad to see a lonely middle aged woman so I decided to help her.  Her name is Brett Michaels and she looks like this:

Rock-of-love-with-bret-michaels

 

Now I know that it looks like she has gone through some hard times, and that she is probably covering up a lot of sadness with that makeup, but she seems sincere.  I mean, who doesn't launch a television show if they are genuinely interested in finding love and settling down with a nice gentleman that will love and caress her?  I haven't seen one episode of this show, and I like to pretend that nobody has seen it because if I really knew the ratings I would leave a hole shaped like me in America, just like the cartoons.  What I imagine is that she has a bunch of guys on there trying to woo her with flowers and treats, and she gets to pick a winner at the end and give him a rose or a blowjob or something.  I will bet that none of the relationships work out because in the above picture it says "Rock Of Love 2" so she has obviously done this before.  

So in summation, if you know a nice man that wants to date a girl that is in her 40's and will show up anywhere as long as somebody has a camera.  Brett Michaels is available and she will treat you right.

p.s. For those of you guys who worry that Brett is a guy's name, I would like to direct you to a wonderful television show called "Grace Under Fire" starring a beautiful young deep voiced lady named Brett Buttler.

 

Listen to the show and update your iTunes feed to the new one.  We want you to love us so much that I will give you a link bit.ly/listentomrr and to subscribe bit.ly/subscribetomrr .  Also, If you want to come to the Scarlet and Gray Cafe on Tuesday night around 10:00p.m. to see Brett (the guy from the show, not the girl in the picture above) and Bryan from Murder Rebel Radio do stand up comedy.

Filed under  //   advertising   dating   girls   google   netflix   pawn stars  
Posted November 8, 2010 by murderradio 
 

My top 10 Illegal Date Ideas via @lauren_saturn

 

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We rarely (never) get a female perspective on Murder Rebel Radio so Lauren Saturn was kind enough to share the top secret ways to get to any woman's heart.

Dinner and a movie? No way, homes. Grab a cup of
coffee? Maybe if we're throwing it in a granny's face. I'd love to go to
that wussy indie rock CD release show but only if you're intending to
hijack the sound system to play Ministry, or maybe some really
alienating Frank Zappa album. Maybe we'll check out a weak electropop
dance set with the intention of putting a pizza on the turntable? I want
to party like a Gremlin and you should too. Here are some date ideas
that will definitely win my heart.

1.) Busting out windows of abandoned buildings: this is mostly just
fun because of the noise it makes. Plus there's lots of opportunities to
see crackheads sleeping, drug deals, and squatter street kids doing the
lord's work at 3am.

2.) Spray painting under any one of Portland's bridges: this tells me
a graffiti charge won't scare you, that you like expressing yourself,
and maybe you'll help me with a wheat paste vandal spree once things get
a little more serious.

3) Throwing eggs off of the overpass: some jerk reminded me that this
is a good way to cause a fatal car accident so now I can't remember
what I was going to say about it. Maybe we should skip this one. :(

4) Dine and dash: this will probably happen when we're in the middle
of the desert, we've eaten breakfast at 4am, and we've now got the
energy to run to your 80s luxury sedan.

5) Cockfights: I don't think these exist in Portland but we might as well ask around, eh?

6) Stealing parking cones: for decorating our future underground fighting venue.

7) Drinking in an alley: probably Four loko.

8) Shop lifting competition: the more useful the items, the better. A truck stop is a good location.

9) Public urination: probably goes hand-in-hand with the Four loko.

10) Firecrackers, dynamite, and roman candles: we'll find a sketchy neighborhood and set these off, then pedal away.

I have some other good ones but I realized that it's hard to drive a motorcycle when you've got Edward 40-hands.


http://www.twitter.com/lauren_saturn

The addendum went up today! http://www.bit.ly/listentomrr , the addendum is always a loose cannon but this Friday is going to be phenomenal. More details to follow.

 

Filed under  //   Lauren Saturn   advice   dates   dating   female perespective   love   romance   tips  
Posted October 27, 2010 by murderradio